the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
