On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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