Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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