i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
