i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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