do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
ok first of all what the fuck
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
