i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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