My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
