just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
