you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
