I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
