Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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