I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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