god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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