dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
