I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
