Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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