im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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