You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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