LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize