The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
