since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
