hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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