foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
