There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
