I swear she didn't look like that last week.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
