Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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