Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm passing your future prison.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
