I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
