Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
