She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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