Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
