how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
