Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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