Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
