I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
