you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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