When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so explain again why im purple
no
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
