I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think your dad took our porno
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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