How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
