Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We need a shit load of segways right now
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
