UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
