I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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