chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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