I want to walk on stilts...naked
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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