uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
