My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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