Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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