you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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