Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
