I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
