yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I am mentally ready for anal.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
