If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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