i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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