They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
