If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
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I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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