I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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