I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
