I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
