I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
