Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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