Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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