Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
