Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
