maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
