I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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