You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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